Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned by Kinky Friedman

Author:Kinky Friedman
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 0100-12-31T22:00:00+00:00

seventeen

Despite the emotional turmoil I was experiencing concerning Clyde's relationship with Fox and my relationships with them, I was not at all prepared for what took place the following night at the Old Armory. I don't know what it was I'd expected actually. Maybe a soup-kitchen kind of thing where normal Americans like myself, with the help of Donald Trump's credit card, of course, served dinner to the homeless. Whatever I'd expected, I'd been wrong in at least two principal areas: I'd underestimated Clyde and Fox's abilities to pursue their "little" hobbies, and, like most well-intentioned but severely sheltered people, I'd underestimated the true nature of the plight of the homeless. Having mentioned these two caveats, these lapses in my knowledge of the human condition, I can truthfully say that a good time was had by all, if only for a night.

If you've never been to a homeless shelter, maybe you should go. Or maybe you shouldn't. It is not likely to be the kind of thing you will ever be liable to forget. Possibly it was the contrast between the place itself and the events that took place there that has created, even after all this time, such an indelible impression upon my mind. (It is quite a challenge for any author to convey in mere words the squalor and the nobility of the race of man. In a sense, the author's work is rather simple: ordering and reordering phrases and sentences; pushing words around like a seriously ill Scrabble player; transfiguring people and events and emotions onto the feckless page in such a manner that the reader, having read, will become so involved in the illusion of life itself that he will forget, for all practical purposes, that he is, indeed, reading a book. That is the author's sacred task and it is one I do not for a moment casually embrace. But simply willing a powerful effect upon the reader does not make it so. It requires a talent that is almost effortless, virtually invisible, and that is the rarest talent of all. Every author worth reading must do his best even as he struggles with success, as if he's typing with his toes or merely paying the rent, to not inflict his own life upon the lives of his characters. The reader must observe the book's greatness almost peripherally, as the author, in the dark of the night, repositions his little words and phrases like chess pieces until he makes life appear so real that he dies trying. When all is said and done, as an author, all you can really ever do is pray to the gods to give you one good line. Then all you can do is pray for another one after that and another one after that.)

The night before the "event" at the Old Armory, a limo was sent to pick me up at my apartment. I was looking out my window when it arrived and it was so long and so

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